White Fragility in the Healing Arts World
Certified Yoga & Mindset Coach, Kloii Hummingbird
Before i Begin:
White Fragility: (Oxford Dictionary) discomfort and defensiveness on the part of a white person when confronted by information about racial inequality and injustice.
I recently had an unfortunate encounter with a white yoga practitioner (the irony is not lost on me) who reached out to me seeking education on her white privilege. During our conversation, I witnessed an example of white fragility that I feel is important to bring to the attention of the broader yoga community, as well as to white individuals who may believe that racism is a thing of the past and not a present-day systemic structure from which they benefit.
I hope to use this experience to encourage reflection and introspection about your own potential for white fragility, spiritual bypassing, white privilege, and unconscious biases.
Her words brought to light the all-too-common symptoms of white fragility that I believe are important for all white people to acknowledge when engaging in discussions about racial inequality: it's not about you or your comfort. Let's dive in...
White Yogi Woman: “Ok. Let’s just be honest. I have been very nice to you. I understand your position and I respect it. But you don’t know me, you have no idea what I have endured. And I don’t need you to lecture me about life’s pain. I was in a wheel chair for four months after being a victim of home invasion. I shattered every bone in my body after jumping out of the window to save my life and had no one to help me. I lost everything that I had worked for. So, stop playing a victim and start realizing how blessed you are. Life is fucking hard for all of us. Stop playing the victim, you are a beautiful woman, love yourself.”
Reality Check
This white woman asked me to teach her about white privilege. I recommended that she educate herself on the issue by reading articles and books and shared a few facts about racial disparities. However, she became defensive and labeled me as an angry black woman for not telling her what she wanted to hear. I guess she didn’t like hearing the truth. #whitefragility It's disappointing how easy it is for white people, particularly white women, to resort to this labeling when they feel uncomfortable discussing issues of racial inequality. While racism and injustice are topics that can provoke anger and generational trauma, it's a myth that all black women are innately angry - in a society that has been indoctrinated with negative stereotypes of Black people I unfortunately have to make that statement. Moreover, if you were to experience the daily challenges faced by people of color, you'd understand when and why some of us are angry.
I, was in fact, not angry in this instance. If I had been angry, it would have been justified because racism and all injustices in the world are the things we should get fired up about. However, let it be known: it is a myth that black women are always angry, and if you see an angry black woman her anger is most likely righteous. I mean ask yourself, would you want to trade places with a black person and deal with what we have to deal with from white people killing us and creating anti-black laws taking away our human right to exist happy and free? I’m sure you’d be pretty angry too! White people, if you truly want to be an ally by actually standing in solidarity with people of color, that means you have a lot of inner work to do. This means learning more about racial disparities, acknowledging your own racial biases, calling out racism when you see it and never assuming your learning is complete. As Angela Davis, political and social activist, educator, and author once said, that still rings true today: “in a racist society, it's not enough to be non-racist; we must be actively anti-racist.” It's become increasingly clear to me that many white people have never had an honest conversation about what it means to be white in this world or the history of how Black people built America as we know it today and the privilege you, white people, maintain directly because of the genocide, dehumanization, and erasing of cultures committed by your white ancestors or even contemplated what life would be like to be systematically oppressed because of your skin tone. This is the daily reality for people of color, and the impact of institutionalized racism runs deep. While everyone faces struggles, not everyone's issues are related to their race or skin color. So, white people specifically, the next time you want to ask a person of color about white privilege, remember that even having the option to ask that question is a privilege in and of itself before you utter the words “stop playing the victim.” White Privilege: Dissecting the Text
White Yogi Woman: “Ok. Let’s just be honest. I have been very nice to you. I understand your position and I respect it. But you don’t know me, you have no idea what I have endured. And I don’t need you to lecture me about life’s pain..”
a. Cognitive Dissonance (New Oxford American Dictionary), “the state of having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes, especially as relating to behavioral decisions and attitude change.” When confronted with a difficult truth about race that challenges your beliefs, your ego may attempt to rationalize and protect your comfort. Going to where you feel comfortable could look something like this white woman ignoring the actual conversation topic at hand. For example, a white person may deflect from the topic of conversation by saying "everyone has pain" - a sentiment similar to "All Lives Matter." While it's true that all lives matter, the reality is that historically and currently, Black lives have not been valued at the same level as others, frankly, white lives. For instance, Black mothers have higher mortality rates in hospitals and black men are disproportionately killed by police officers who are meant to protect them. The sentiment "I was afraid" is all a white person has to say to justify killing Black people. We need to prioritize and advocate for the lives that are being oppressed, specifically Black lives.
White Yogi Woman: “So, stop playing a victim and start realizing how blessed you are. Life is fucking hard for all of us. Stop playing the victim, you are a beautiful woman, love yourself.”
b. When people say things like “racism doesn’t exist” or “I don’t see color” or “love yourself” I say, until every white person would trade places with a person of color without hesitation, then it no longer exists. Until then white people still have work to do. When individuals deny the existence of racism or claim to be colorblind, or suggest that loving oneself is enough, I remind them that racism will only cease to exist when every white person is willing to trade places with a person of color without hesitation. Until then, white individuals must actively work to dismantle systems that only serve their whiteness. Complacency has no place in a world where there is still so much work to be done. This woman’s unconscious racism runs so deep. She isn’t running around saying she hates black people, but like Angela Davis said there is no place in this world for complacency; if you aren’t anti-racist you are part of the problem, you are either standing in solidarity with people of color by actively working to support and protect them or you are sitting comfortably in your privilege perpetuating systems that serve only your whiteness.
During my conversation with this white woman, she told me, “I’m here for you and I always will be.” White liberals often share this sentiment, by saying they want to understand what BIPOC endure, but commonly concludes with abandoning us and the freedom movement when it comes time to actually take action. White individuals, if you ever wonder why people of color may seem tense or distrusting around you it’s because we have experienced many who have claimed to support us, and have our backs and then burn us, literally and metaphorically. It is the responsibility of white individuals to be less fragile and to engage in uncomfortable conversations about race. People of color should not be expected to navigate white fragility and educate white people on their privileges. One of the most oft-quoted passages of white academic, lecturer and author Robin DiAngelo’s, 2018 bestseller, White Fragility: Why It’s so Hard for White People to Talk About Racism reads, “It is white people’s responsibility to be less fragile; people of color don’t need to twist themselves into knots trying to navigate us as painlessly as possible.”
When I suggested that this woman conduct her own research on racism, she became defensive. White people want learning about their racist ways and conversations about race in general to be easy, but I assure you - it is much more comfortable to learn about racism than to have to endure it your entire life. Being discriminated against because of the color of your skin, seen as less than because of the color of your skin or the countless micro-aggressions from white people that people of color have to endure everyday, believe me when I say the grass is greener where you’re standing. It often feels as though white people can’t relate to the emotions or perspectives of others. People of color have to endure racism from every facet of reality perpetuated by everyone, most notably white individuals everyday so the burden of educating white people on their privileges should not fall on BIPOC. BIPOC learn what white privilege is by not having it, it is not our responsibility to explain what white privilege is to those who have it. You think you’re uncomfortable talking about race as a white person? What’s more uncomfortable is being a person of color talking to an unconscious white person in a world that systematically tells us the color of our skin makes us less valuable in this world. So, if we did take the time to answer your questions would you even deem the information as valuable and take in the information if it’s not coming from someone society tells you is worthy of believing?
This woman demanded my emotional labor, but when I pointed her towards resources to educate herself, she became defensive and dismissed my legitimate grievances. This is a way for her to dismiss the issue of racism and continue to perpetuate systemic inequalities which makes her feel righteous and more spiritually aligned by calling me a victim - but I understand this way of thinking, I mean don’t we all want to feel righteous, however it is not the responsibility of people of color to make white people listen or understand. The anti-racist movement has been going on for a long time, and if you are a white person just starting to catch up, welcome. But know that there is a lot of work to be done. Rachel Cargle, (who coined the title phrase) activist, writer and scholar, stated in her monthly column for HarpersBazaar.com, in an article titled “When Feminism Is White Supremacy in Heels,” that during a conversation about racist words, someone told her—basically—to get over it. Cargle wrote that she refuses “to oblige to the various ways that whiteness demands we simply take what they give." Suggestion, talk to white people about your collective privileges because people of color have zero interest in “coddling my oppressor into listening” to the various ways in which you oppress with your unconscious white supremacy.
Spiritual Bypassing
To truly comprehend racism, white individuals must recognize that it is not merely a sentiment, a feeling, but rather a systemic oppression of people of color. This notion is akin to what John Welwood dubbed as spiritual bypassing, which is the inclination to utilize spiritual concepts and practices to evade addressing unresolved emotional concerns, psychological injuries, and incomplete developmental duties. Sound familiar? This definition is perfect to define the all-too-common occurrence of white people suggesting that people of color simply love ourselves as a solution to racism or the notion that loving myself is the magic fix to genocide. The term spiritual bypassing was introduced in the early 1980s by John Welwood, a Buddhist teacher, psychotherapist and writer, in Toward a Psychology of Awakening: Buddhism, Psychotherapy, and the Path of Personal and Spiritual Transformation. In chapter one, he states:
A complete path of inner development [...] must involve all three principles—grounding, letting go, and awakening the heart—which counteract the obstacles of spiritual bypassing, egocentric self-involvement, and numbing distraction. The core element of such a path would be an awareness practice such as meditation, which helps connect us. Along with that, a method of psychological inquiry is extremely helpful for addressing the unconscious patterns and emotion complexes.
To contemplate what lies beyond the self, I would suggest for myself, this woman, and everyone to combine psychological exploration, spiritual development, and yoga and/or other physical practices (dance, Pilates, martial arts etc..) combined with study, Svadhyaya, of all things related to discrimination based on sex and race etc. to evolve our actions and exist in a balance and holistic way, not just as individuals but also as a collective society.
Anti-Racist: Solidarity and Action Tips
What is the purpose of this message? White individuals, it's crucial that you improve your actions. It's common for white people to have deep-seated racist tendencies, but if you deem yourself to be on a spiritual journey or a yogi, you may be at a point in your life where you aspire to grow. So, where do you begin? From this moment on, it's necessary to make racists feel extremely uncomfortable in your presence - according to Rachel Elizabeth Cargle, racists should feel afraid to be near you and they should be the most uncomfortable person in the room.
Furthermore, in 2019, (when this incident with the white woman took place) it's unacceptable to declare that you're unaware of racism. As a white person, please understand that your unfounded fear of black individuals and your lack of knowledge regarding racism are harmful to people of color - your ignorance leads to literal violence towards Black people rather you are conscious of that fact. Rachel Ricketts, an influential figure and a vocal advocate for Black and Indigenous women, has a suggestion for white people:
Ceasing to center yourself also means you understand that you cannot and will never understand my experiences as a Black womxn because you have never endured oppression or discrimination on the basis of both race and sex (and if you disagree then we can call this whole “let’s try and be friends” thing quits right now). If there are things I’ve shared or tried to explain, or behaviors I’ve exhibited, that you simply don’t understand — have some fucking compassion. I am enduring a daily onslaught of hate and discrimination that you could not begin to fathom. If I say it’s about race — it is. Your attempts to tell me otherwise are violent and about your need for comfort over mine. Stop it.
If you wish to stand in solidarity for and with Black individuals and people of color at large against the genocide we face from white people, then you must awaken and take action as if it's a matter of life or death for people of color - because it is.
NOTE: This conversation was prior to me beginning my private practice as a yoga and mindset coach under the Kloii Hummingbird Yoga umbrella. Today, it would not be as unorthodox for someone to ask me to educate them on race relations, however my answer to nonclients would most likely have been the same.
The Freedom Prayer
May All Beings Everywhere Be Happy and Free from Suffering May the Thoughts,
Words, & Actions of my Character Contribute in Some Way to that Freedom and Happiness For All Beings
ANTI-RACISM RESOURCES:
https://rachelcargle.com/the-great-unlearn/
https://rachelcargle.com/elizabeths-bookshop-writing-centre/
https://www.rachelricketts.com/racial-justice-resources
https://www.rachelricketts.com/buy-black
NOTE:
The Hummingbird Herald
I would like to take a moment to give recognition to Contra Tiempo Urban Latin Dance Theatre company, a Los Angeles-based non-profit organization that uses dance as a means for activism. The company was founded and is directed by Ana Maria Alvarez. I had the privilege of interning with Contra Tiempo and participating in their Art as Social Action workshops where I trained in Afro-Latin dance styles for three summers. The knowledge and experience that I gained from this company have been invaluable in my journey as a Black female artist. Through art, I have learned to use my voice to promote transformation, change, and resistance. Art has the power to inspire action and change - this is what I admire most about this embodiment of art. Over the past decade, my work has centered around communication, power dynamics, and teaching movement and healing arts. While my message in the article is directed towards white yogis, it is important to note that yoga is an art and science in itself. It encourages us to look inward and gain insight into our inner truths. It teaches us to lead with compassion and to align our thoughts, words, and actions with freedom and happiness for all beings. The Hummingbird Herald is a call to action, urging intentional anti-racist efforts and consciousness.
“I Don’t Want Your Love and Light, If it Doesn’t Come With Solidarity & Action” - Quote from, Rachel Elizabeth Cargle*
Hey there!
I’m Kloii Hummingbird - a Los Angeles based artist, activist and certified yoga coach trying to be the change I want to see in the world.
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